Confessions of an average Jane

Moved

2009-06-23T18:53:00.001-07:00

Janeconfessions has moved to wordpress. Thanks for reading this, and see you over there =)

http://janeconfessions.wordpress.com

To Those Who Matter...

2009-02-03T21:51:00.000-08:00

I read once that music is the heart's way of expressing itself. Lyrics, words of the soul. Poetic thought. And different people hear a song in so many different ways. How a song that touches you and leaves a lasting impression (till the next song comes along) does just that. Inspire and calm your soul.

This goes out to those who matter. When things seem bigger than you can handle.

When the rain
Is blowing in your face
And the whole world
Is on your case
I could offer you
A warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows
And the stars appear
And there is no one there
To dry your tears
I could hold you
For a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you
Haven't made
Your mind up yet
But I would never
Do you wrong
I've known it
From the moment
That we met
No doubt in my mind
Where you belong

I'd go hungry
I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling
Down the avenue
No, there's nothing
That I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging
On the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
Though winds of change
Are throwing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing
Like me yet

I could make you happy
Make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends
Of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love

Ancient Chinese Loves

2009-01-28T07:13:00.000-08:00

There's something strangely beautiful about Chinese love stories. Ones from ancient times, of folktales and mythical legends. There really is something about five hundred years of history.

尘世间最遥远的距离，不是我站在你面前，却不知道我爱你，而是，明明知道彼此相爱，却不能在一起。

The greatest distance that divides us, not because you are oblivious to my love, when I stand in front of you; but because we love each other, knowing fate will forever keep us apart.

Of revelations and such

2009-01-12T00:05:00.000-08:00

They say every experience is a learning opportunity. Good or bad, enjoyable or painful, memorable or best forgotten, lessons abound.

And so I learn. Or at least am led to ponder.

The ties that bind. It never used to feel like this. Or perhaps you just never realized it was this way all along. Skin-deep, fleeting, never truly a bond. You'd think three months make you wiser, but truth is there's something new everyday. And you wouldn't expect anything less. The pressure may be strong, the worries may be frustrating, maybe even painful. But yet they move on, not a notice. And you realize, you're big enough to deal with it. Or at least to mask the effects and move on.

Truth is but a novel thought. Does it truly entertain, is there honesty with the self. Or perhaps it's just right and commonsensical to do so. Make the best out of the situation, no doubt. Why fight the system when it's pretty much enthralled the majority. And with the multitudes of canned laughter, you realize it's for the best.

Sharing the joy. Which gradually starts to feel like basking in glory. And yet again, you wouldn't expect anything less. Pat yourself on the back when it's done, congratulate those around you who made it possible. Call for a mass get-together to celebrate the joy and moment before it passes. Then split up into small groups, huddled around each other with no welcoming sign. Of course you're grown and able enough to blend in. Yet once again, you wonder, would it matter?

The pains of growing up, more real than usual, nearer than preferred. You wouldn't expect anything less. The world does not revolve around you my dear. And you pray it never would. Funny is, it revolves around a select few.

All are equal, but some are more equal than others.

At the end of it, it's funny how there's no blues.

In Retrospect

2009-01-09T09:49:00.000-08:00

Maybe I interpret too much from your teachings. Maybe it's all in my head. And maybe it's all hallucinations. But indulge, I shall.

It is always about the character. Living, breathing, speaking, behaving, like the character. Becoming the character, or at the very least, understanding how he/she would feel and react. "Method Acting", you would call it. We never understood. The 250-word descriptions that you always wanted us to do (I recall we made you back down to 100 everytime). The endless pep talks you would deliver right before each rehearsal, to tell us our progress, how far we are from understanding our roles (we found them mundane and unnecessary, a hindrance to rehearsals ending earlier). You were strict, you didn't allow for irresponsible mistakes ($0.50 charge for every time we shouted "line" right after 2 weeks of running through the script).

"Slavedriver", we called you.

As crazy as your practices were, as demanding as it got, at the end of every show, we were proud. Proud not only that we've put in so much effort, proud that we've each done justice to the roles placed in our hands. Small roles, big roles, guest appearances. We successfully conveyed their thoughts through us, in whatever ways we could. And they were always good shows, always sold out.

Nothing frustrates more than the feeling of not having been able to put up something you'd be absolutely proud of. Of knowing that there was something that could have been done, somewhere along the way, but just not done because of a lack of direction, both self and externally-motivated.

Finally, you get a shot at combining two loves into one. It'd be a great experience, no doubt. The people you meet, the things you learn from them, the experiences you shared. There would be no regrets. Enjoyable, definitely. Unforgettable, surely. Everlasting, I don't know.

At the end of the day, you wish you could say you're proud. That you put up the best show there was.

Years after we've all moved on, some still carrying on with the craft, some not, some reacquainting themselves after years, your words seem to resound in the head.

"You'll miss what I put you through after you leave and find out how haphazardly it's done out there."

Anything but Ordinary

2009-01-07T07:37:00.000-08:00

Life has come to revolve around Honk!. And when some sort of a long buried passion gets unearthed, you realize just what you've been missing all this while. Rushing to the drama room right after class everyday for rehearsals, staying in junior college till odd hours in the night (stargazing and pointing out the constellations on the way home), heading down to town for meetings and practices with fellow passionates after school.

It seems like it's been a while since you got in touch with that part of you. Somewhere along the way, someone reminded you that it's not practical, not feasible, simply not lucrative. And you believed. Then things around reminded you that the critics aren't all that far off.

And then you grew up. Or grew old. You find another direction that you know you wouldn't mind all that much. Another alternative, a back-up plan. Which eventually became the only one you knew. Then a passion became a hobby. Before you know it, the passion faded.

Of course, it got rekindled then and again. Events would invigorate, days would feel right again, younger. Then they end. And it's back to ordinary.

Is ordinary all that bad? Is there even an ordinary to begin with?

And on the day-off from rehearsals, we headed down to Mediacorp Radio for a publicity stint on 938 Live. Felt good to be back in a studio again, somewhat natural. It was fun, refreshing.

Life, as you know it for now, is Honk!.

"Have you ever thought of going into this area after you graduate?"

Everyday.

One Step At A Time

2009-01-06T08:05:00.000-08:00

And so the madness that is school begins. A strange feeling hovers, faces get stranger, places more unfamiliar. Friends going on exchange, some graduating by the end of the term. And then you. Something about being a "junior" that intrigues. Feeling lighter, increasingly more comfortable with class (however crazy-packed it may be with intimidatingly avid participants), motivated.

Motivation deriving from Honk!, from people around, from the self. The beauty of drive, purpose.

1. Honk!
2. Classes
3. RA
4. Tutor-girl

Then a realization that they've become so much you, what happens when it ends?

And a resolve to go a step at a time...

New Year, Old Beginnings

2009-01-01T08:36:00.000-08:00

2008.
An interesting year.

Of haphazard internships, B+ terms and a resolution towards As. Of beautiful sights, sounds, tastes and bustling smells, scenes, people. South Korea an eye-opener, New York a home away from home. Sort of.

Of failed relationships and turbulent times. It looked certain that two different worlds couldn’t fit together in the same mold. Dissimilar schools of thought, diverse emotions. For time to oneself, to reflection, to sorting things out. Then a resolve to make things work and let time tell.

Of renewed passions and newfound loves. A long-lost friend combined with a constant, theatre with music. Honk! the musical, an adaptation of Hans Andersen’s Ugly Duckling. Crazy rehearsal schedules, hectic timelines. Learning to zone-out melodies and listen to harmonies. Meeting new people, making new friends, and spending tonnes of time with them. Noticing the beauty around, taking snapshots, photo-editing. Discovering a love for things often taken for granted – the views we see everyday, places not often visited, the unbeaten track.

Of scares and “underdemiciation”. Long due surgery and biopsy. Living precariously, wondering when it’s the last, and then knowing for certain that the worry can end. At least for now. And then noticing the ones who love you. Thank you, and sorry. For the “underdemiciated” times.

Of taking stock and letting go. Realizing that not everyone stays and not all worth the stress. A time and place for everything, a space and phase for everyone. Some a constant feature in life, some re-established relations, some a life buoy you hang on to for landmarks in time, some random occurrences. Taking stock, acknowledging the beauty that once was, and appreciating the gems that stay unmoved.

Of blessings and experiences. A constant feature that keeps you occupied, of gigs, events and such, aiding in learning, meeting and experiencing. Someone who never leaves despite the hard times, a harbor that’s always there. An anchor you are getting comfortably accustomed to. Friends who walk beside you through it all, people you can count on. And family. The love that’s always there, often overlooked, but magnified and important every time refound.

Spending the last day of 2008 with good people for a good getaway – away from the madness that’s the countdown crowd. It was probably all in the mind. The air smelt fresher, the drinks tasted better, the sights refreshed deeper.
Ending 2008 and beginning 2009 with “a bang”. Doing ordinary things with extraordinary company. The travel to town and a movie never left such an impression.

“In my stories, just when the hero is about to give up, he always finds a way to defeat the evil villain and save the day!”

Goodbye 2008.

2009.
A new year for recharged beginnings.

It was always the same. Priorities moving around, features unchanging. Work harder, live stronger, fall braver. Staying open to new ideas, being adaptable to what comes your way. Knowing that you’re strong enough, brave enough and unbreakable (in spirit). Learning how to get past obstacles, moving out of your comfort zone once in a while, and living to your best.

Easy to forget, often neglected, but constantly reminding. A new start to beginnings that have hardly ever changed. Work, love, life.

1. Tutor better. Study smarter. Work well.
2. Judging less, accepting more, becoming a friend.
3. Underdemiciate not.

Happy New Year, everyone.

The Rules of Being Professional

2009-01-01T08:15:00.000-08:00

What every professional needs to know.

1. Always annouce your grand plans after everyone else has made their plans. Don't bother emailing to notify anyone, just walk in with your megawatt smile and say how pointless it is to proceed with original plans since one member is missing. It’s okay that the project is due in a month’s time and the team is quite behind. It’s alright.

2. Demand a lot from team members, make comments on their performance and make sure they feel tonnes of pressure and stress. Let them put their hearts and souls into perfecting their job. And then strip them of their original role and give it to someone else. Because you can.

3. State that it’s not within your jurisdiction to motivate or spur team members on. Though it would increase team morale and enthusiasm, and you’re paid enough to do so, don’t.

Of course, there are many other intricate steps to take before becoming a full-fledged professional. The correct attitude will begin to set in after fulfilling the aforementioned three. You’ll be on your way to certified professionalism in no time.